Letter to myself (BFBloghop)

Today is the breastfeeding blog hop over at Sisters in Cloth and we are writing letters to ourselves as first time moms.

Dear a younger Nataline at the birth of Miss Froggie,

    Congratulations!  Miss Froggie has been born and will bring such joy and change to your life at home.   I have written and rewritten this letter, trying to get it just right.  You are now a mother and your number one job is to get to know your baby, to be an expert on her.  Trust yourself, trust your gut.  All the clichés about them growing up to fast, they are true.  Even the one about cooking and cleaning can wait until later... I wish I had learned live in the moment when she was born instead of when she was a middle-schooler.   And made the time to journal and keep a very good baby book for each baby.

     Take as long as you can for maternity leave.  Because once you go back it is harder to quit.  Having a car and stuff, it really is not as important as you think.  You can live with less.  You think that you will have more time and more money later… You will always want 10% more time and money than you have.  Figure out how to make time for what is important and how to spend less than you make now.

    That pacifier that you think is evil?  It is not.  Let her have it early or she won’t take it later.  You can wait until your milk comes in, but if she stays at the breast 24/7 you will have WAY too much milk.  And you will need a pump.  Because when your milk does come in, Miss Froggie won’t be able to latch on a bowling ball.  And while you are at it, get a good EXPENSIVE one.  But keep it forever!  (Even if you think you are done having kids.)

     If you want her to take a bottle, start her on it before 6 weeks.  And then make sure the milk is hot (100 degrees) because your breast milk is hot.  And at four months, when she starts to refuse the bottle you have a decision.  If you nurse her before she takes that bottle, she will quit taking a bottle all together.  It is ok if she won’t take a bottle, so if she is more stubborn than you fine.  But know that is the choice you are making. 

     And finally, you will love your babies so fiercely that you will be tempted to get your priorities out of whack.  Keep God first and husband second.  And make sure your husband knows he is more important than your babies by your actions not just your words. 

                                                                                                                Signed,

 An older Nataline

Have you heard of this baby?

A difficult baby.  Or a high needs baby.  What about a spirited baby?  All pretty much names for the baby that requires a lot of work.  Not necessarily colic.  Because colic has a very specific definition. Tomorrow we will talk about colic and some of the baby soothing techniques to try with colicky babies or really any fussy baby.

I had one of these babies.  The baby that stopped crying when you bounced her.  Then started to cry again and would stop again when you bounced her harder.  And then for the first time, the pediatric nurse suddenly understood how someone could shake a baby.  Because, when does bouncing become shaking?  This is not exactly a question most people want to ask their medical provider.

So, let me tell you.  Until you have had this kind of baby you might not get it. If you have one, be encouraged.  First, babies do not die from crying.  They do die from parents being overwhelmed by the feelings and frustrations of having a baby that cries all the time.  If you have done everything: ie fed her, changed her, burped her, and she is not sick, then put her down in a safe place.  Go somewhere where you can’t hear her and get your calm and quiet back.  It is absolutely safe for a baby over two weeks old to cry for 10 minutes, and older babies can cry longer.  (See my disclaimer and talk to your medical provider about how long to let your baby cry)  You will be a better parent, and she may be asleep when you get back.

There are a lot of different explanations for why some babies are spirited.  I am going to boil it down to a word.  Personality.  Just imagine if you were a smart competitive person and you could not get your body to do ANYTHING!  And you couldn’t tell anyone what you wanted!  Not all babies are this type A, but some are.

You see, I have studied all about babies and children.  There is always more to learn, but I know about my children as individuals and then I know about other children as a group. The variations of normal, what I have seen work before for other children.  But you are the parent, the mother or father.  And when a new baby comes into your family you have a lot of people come into your life giving you advice.  And that is what it is.  You should listen to wise people whom you respect and those who have experience. But however they say it they are giving you advice.

One of your biggest jobs as a mother is to become the expert on your child.  So, others can tell you what worked for their child and their family and you and your husband can decide whether that is worth a try for your child and your family.  This is true for babies, and toddlers, and up as they grow.  Know your child. 

So, for my high needs spirited baby.  I am just sure that she was bored and frustrated.  I thought she was bored then, and now that she is twelve and I know her even better I am still sure she was bored.  Her brain goes a thousand miles an hour, and until she could occupy her mind she filled that with occupying her body. 

  Once she could move on her own she was a much happier baby.  Still hard for mom.  I had to move 100 miles an hour to try to keep up with her.  Now she can read fast enough to occupy herself and she has become quite the young lady.  And she helps me with my running after the little boy soon to be boys.

So, what if you are in the middle of this now?  How do you make it until they are older?

First, check your attitude.  God created us each as individuals.  And He made us moms of these particular babies for a reason.  I believe that they are both a gift to us and a way God makes us grow.  And He gives moms and dads what it takes to parent the children He has given.

Second, God has gifted your child with certain characteristics on purpose.  They can be great positives for His glory.  Whatever it is that you are tempted to call a negative about your child, try to flip that coin over and call it by the name God gave it.  Thus the name spirited instead of difficult.  Full of energy instead of hyperactive.  Determined instead of stubborn.  You get the idea.  Determination can be of great use in God's kingdom when we see it as He does and train the child to use it for His glory.

Third, these energetic bored babies have what it takes to be really good at something.  Often a sport.  Think Michael Phelps.  You can have that kind of energy with or without ADHD.  Try to find a sport or physical activity that they enjoy and can use that energy.  Actually, that is good advice for all children.  Helping them to find the way to be active that they enjoy is a skill that they will use for life to stay healthy.  But, for the really energetic ones I think it is the sport that saves mom’s sanity.  For us it was gymnastics.  When she watched tv she was either jumping on the couch or doing a head stand.  Upside down was her preferred position starting at about 4 months old.   And for years, everyone knew if she missed gymnastics by her behavior. 

Hang in there and check here for more about colic and calming fussy babies.